Today is the 18th May 2008 . LIFE IS SUCHA BORE !

It's a long weekend and i'm home . Well well . What can i say ? I don't belong anywhere so i can't stick around anywhere . It's time to find new hideout places, even if it's for myself alone, as usual . Sick and tired of so many things .

Cousin asked me out on Friday night for drinking with her Godma . Ended up unhappy just because i said i wanna go meet up with my other friend . I know it's rude, but can't help because i don't find fun there and there's forever no topic to talk about . Perhaps it's the age gap, i don't know . And they tried to snatch my phone to talk when i'm in a call, and actually shout to the phone to try to get the message over that i'm busy please get the call hung and i'm not going . But i went off anyway, fumed, not that i expect them to be cool and not angry, i know they're very unhappy with me, coz i dare say, i live my own life now, no one shall ever interfere too much . Lost hope in every single thing, e-ve-ry sin-gle thing, mind you .

Look, my studies suck, my life is rotting nothing seems interesting except racing off my life and doing things to shorten my life . Perhaps it's more like completing your responsibility of being my someone than to really love and care about me . Coz i don't see any single sign, i only see annoyance rather than care, and i only see control rather than love . Maybe i'm wrong, totally wrong, but this is my perception . Stay away from changing my perception and if you think you wanna talk to me about turning a new life, please save your breath . Nothing helps, and by confusing my perception only leads to more disputes .

Truth be told, i wanna quit school now, find a job and that's it, i spend what i earn . How long can i study on for, how much can i get myself educated, how am i suppose to find cash for school fees, how am i to carry on studying when i've lost 95% of attention to other stuffs . For everything i do, only 5% goes to study ? I might as well just give the 5% to what i gave most of my attention to .

I was hoping and really hope i could get a job in a garage this school vacation . Anyone that has any recommemdation(s) please please please tell me . I wouldn't be searching for whatever accounts assistant shit anymore . Damn boring and dry for me . If i can't find a garage job, i'll be out everyday since i'll be 18 then, no more i'm-still-17-gotta-watchout-for-damn-ass-kissin-cops thinking . Even if i've to be out alone, I WILL !

Lonely, i ain't afraid, i'll know more friends to kill you .
Scared, i ain't afraid, i'll find guts and try new stuffs to beat you .
Bored, i ain't afraid, my new friends will slap you dead .
Life, i ain't afraid, it's just a matter of whether i want you dead or alive, coz i'm your master after all .

Boring . Boring . I'm so damn bored, i'm no longer in contact with Kif, at least not as much as before, only when needed, so don't feel like hanging out with him anymore . David gotta make a trip down to Kah Motors to sign papers for his car today, and said he'll only bring me out if i perform in school, so i guess it's hard to hang out with him anytime soon . Jack seems busy with friends and stuffs, doesn't call me or reply my message . YaoWen's working shift . Ah Long's not online, so is Desmond . 'GrimmJaw' is busy, and 'Nozzies' gotta get some work done . Everyone seem so busy with their work . I'm home, blasting the music speakers ( sorry, Er Jie, i hope your speakers will be okay when you use it ) and doing nothing but just watching car videos on YouTube, not even chatting . Only 1% of my brain power thinks of studying for the test coming up this thursday, and it'll be dead soon i can gaurantee you .

I'm not going over to Buddha House tonight, and i'll find reasons not to go tomorrow . Maybe i'm being bad, but why should i go when i have no sincerity of worshipping ? I'm not going . Nag as much as they want, careless now .

Hmm, should i go out later ? Alone ? Walk down the express way ? Maybe i would, walk till dawn or till i'm tired then cab home . I need stuffs to kill time .

H E L P .